Michael White

Very few things crystallize the minds of a person better than tragedy, loss or grief. This weekend, my dad was admitted to the hospital with what started out as back pain and became a serious issue relating to his heart. He’s ok (thanks for asking), but on Monday night, I sat on my porch and pondered the value of my relationship with him and how much of who we are as believers and people in general is directly related to the people we spend the most or most definitive time around.

My parents divorced when i was 2.5 so I have no memories of us being a family, eating dinner together, or opening presents. What I do remember is the time I had with both parents, their love and their devotion to me. And that is what counts more than any thing else.

One moment defines my dad and I….it goes back to 1994…

I was a senior in high school, and my dad and i had gotten into a semi-physical altercation. As i lay on my stomach with his knee in my back he asked me very sternly..

‘Mikee….what do u want from me?’

My response to him….’I want u to be there like every other dad…i want to look in the stands and see u cheering me on…rooting for me….’

My father’s response was the defining moment…He said…’

‘do u remember that game against MUS (local prep school), when they threw the touchdown over your head (I was playing safety) to win the game…[i said yes]…he went on…’i was there…i saw it…i was there… since you got here, i havent missed a game, i’ve cheered you on…i’ve watched you play…i’ve been your biggest fan’…..

My response..’so why didnt i see u’

His response….’b/c i didnt want u to put more pressure on yourself b/c i was there…i wanted u to enjoy the game…not perform to make me happy…i was proud of u, before u played…i was proud of u while u hurt for losing the game..and i’m proud of u….b/c i’m your dad….

In life friends, we get moments that define not only who we are but what we are. That moment of clarity helped to do more than define our relationship, it also defined who i am today…we can live life with cheerleaders…or with people on our team….my dad chose to join my team….b/c he knew that cheerleading was for the sidelines! Loveya Dad!

Survive and Thrive

Have you ever opened your eyes to the dreaded,’day after’? It is the morning that comes after a painful, turbulent night. You sit there, laying flat, face up to the ceiling knowing that you spent half the night crying and the other half wishing it was all just a dream. But it wasn’t a dream and it did happen. The pain is real. The regret is real. And it is not going away any time soon. When life happens how you navigate the ‘day after’ is huge.

Life has a way of allowing the sun to shine on the darkest of days. But the job of the sun when it rises is to give you enough light to see. The question is, as you stare out into the crevices of your ceiling and watch that ceiling fan go round and round and round again, what exactly do you see?

Survive and Thrive

I used to sit along the banks of the Mississippi and watch the sun set, wishing my life would do the same. As the day turned to dusk and eventually to dark, I saw my own life, spiraling out of control and towards a place I had no desire for it to go to. I had not learned that how I dealt with the night and approached the day determined what happened in my life. The end of the story of my life had not been written yet.

When you’re sitting in your life and you’re wondering how to rewrite your life, realize that the page you’re living cannot be rewritten. The truth is, the only rewrite that you can do is the page that hasn’t been written at all. Today the story may be leaning to a tragic, downward spiral but you have the choice to change the ending… The decisions you make today will help determine how the rest of the story goes. One decision could absolutely change your life. Trust me… One decision…One choice…made the difference for me….and my life has been life-changing ever since…

Survive and Thrive…

We recognize that the season is changing from summer to fall by the leaves transforming from green to brown and from the days cooling from hot to mild and mild to cool…. But these are just the signs of the change, the effects of change..but they are not change..in life, the effects of change in you are usually more obvious than the change themselves. If you had no calendar and lived like the caveman you would only know the summer was over by the effects of change and not the change themselves. In life, it is a similar undertaking. When our life begins a complete renovation it is only the effects of change that give us an indication that change has taken place. When the signs of change are evident we recognize that change has taken place. But the reality is, change started many days prior but it was only at that point that the change was able to express itself that we were actually witnesses to the change themselves.

So take some time and stop being so hard on yourself.

Change is a process that requires time and patience.

Rome was not built in a day…and neither is authentic life-change.

Survive and thrive…

One of the hardest things life requires of us is accepting life. Whether it is accepting the unexpected loss of a loved one, accepting a business failure or a personal one. Everyday, life stares us down and says, ‘this happened’. And for many people, agreeing that the tragic, dark moments of life actually took place requires us to feel the emotional brokenness that is attached to those moments. As long as we live in denial and refuse to acknowledge life, we continue to ignore the raw emotions we know are laying just below the surface of our lives.

However, a life lived in denial is no life at all. I know this guy and one day while faced with a daunting choice, he made the wrong decision. This decision had huge consequences attached to it. And for the longest time he chose to act like life had not happened and his decision had not been made. But as long as he lived life like that he was paralyzed in time, suspended in the netherworld of ‘pending pain’. Whether we learn to accept life instantly, gradually or not at all, the reality is, until we come to grips and terms with the pains of life, our refusal to accept them blocks the door from us healing and moving on beyond them.

As I have learned over time, falling into the ocean has never killed anyone. Staying there has.

Survive and Thrive